Monday, December 17, 2012

The language of Art, and my inner peace.

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately. I often look back on conversations with friends or family and think about all that I could of said. All that I know and understanding but find the words that come out of my mouth so trivial in comparison to the magnitude of my thoughts.

It wasn't until the past year that I discovered that ones voice isn't always in the words or language that they speak with their mouths. It's about sound. The vibration, the frequency, the pitch and even the flow. But it isn't even about sound either. I often prefer to work in silence at times so that I have no influences. I find the influence of that around me to be disruptive almost to the purity of the creative process. But that is only when I create from nothingness. By nothingness I mean to imply that I have no pre-concieved ideas or notions as to what the piece will become. This is my favourite way to create but isn't always possible. The idea of having Nothing to put onto paper can leave me stagnant for quite a while. 

Eventually tho I must create the force that will propel my hand to act. I may not have a known direction to move in, But I find the motion enough. It is the ultimate *F-U* to my egoic self judgments of having no ideas to create from. So if I'm not creating from my mind and thoughts then where am I creating from? My heart?

Some would still argue that I am indeed creating from my thoughts still subconsciously. But some things I create are unexplainable. I find I cannot define them. Perhaps because of the term "Abstract" which in my understanding is a form of painting emotions or feelings of the mind. And even tho ppl knock abstract to its core saying that the technique's used to reflect this intangible feeling onto paper is something anyone can do, while neglecting the FACT that no, not everyone CAN do this. That it takes years of soul searching within yourself to know yourself. To know why you feel and to understand your emotions and then to somehow put all of that process into an image outside of yourself is so mindblowingly amazing that to de-legitamize that results technique shows how much you don't have a clue about about your understanding of your own feelings.

Feelings can create a certain vibration as well. When you get angry you can feel the heightened or sped up current of flow pulsing through your body. When you are Sad may feel the pains of tears that drop your whole vibration like someone piling weights on you and like an open door on a space ship, all your energy is pulled out in the vaccum. Happiness is opposite, It's like all of sudden you become your own power station and are creating energy and giving it away to all around you.

I've created in all 3 of these states before. And the results are exactly a reflection of those states. But its like an uncontrollable outpouring of mind vomit resulting in the exactness of the moment I aimed to capture. Down to a tee. And I only learned this by ppl who were somehow able to explain to me in-depth, pieces of every moment that lead up to the piece of art or poetry they see now.  I don't think I'll name my art anymore. I don't want to trivialize what someone may see with what I think its about, because honestly I have no idea how much of my own experiences have gone into a work.

I image that it's even possible to surpass the experiences of my own mind and pull out bits of memories embeded in my DNA structure. And why not? You may have had just thought, "What?? That's a little farfetched". People can have flashes of memories that aren't from this time, and feel the connection to it like it was but knowing its from another point in the spiral of time.

It's really fascinating to think that all of our past experiences, (and I mean Past) are still connected to us, like our love and hate for our friends and families. We always remember. But until we've completed the missions of our karma we can never progress onward in the game. Or we can but we know we beat the game with unfinished sidequests haha. (RPG lingo)

So back to my original thought of creating from nothingness. That's when it gets interesting. When I am not creating from the influence of emotion or thoughts anymore. Not an easy state to always find but is possible for sure. When I am completely neutral and balanced.

That is when things that are so fantastical start to emerge. I've always loved fantasy. People who know me well know that I am a dreamer. I yearn to sleep at night to see what dreams may come. So when I get create absolutely ANYTHING I want from nothing it so daunting it is paralyzing the fear of unknowing what will come, but then once motion has begun I think about how I could have ever been afraid that nothing would come. And then like a roller coaster, I'm just flying! Hitting new turns and loops, anxieties start to be created as a result of this whole thing, then sleep deprivation sets. The piece starts to influence my life and my dreams, conversations start happening that may never have happened as a result of creating something from nothing and MAN!! To be able to do that!! It's so wild.. So friggen Wild, I dont' ever want to stop once I'm going, cuz I know building that momentum again is gunna be a pain haha and I don't want to come down.

Art is my language! I'm free in art. The world is such a downer these days y'know. People are going every which way. So much confusion. All trying to solidify statements and ideas that they gather from news papers, the tv, other scientists. Trying to answers and only being met with more confusion.
Just listen to Yoda..

"No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."

The outside world is crumbling because no one is finding their OWN voice. If people were at peace with the chaos they feel inside, the world would know peace

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." -YODA

So truly don't be afraid of the nothingness that you think may exist in place of the answers this world is trying so desperately to give. Their is no truth as we think we know it in the operations of this world. Because all those "facts' we were taught in school growing up aren't facts anymore, they are nothing.

Trust yourself, Love yourself, and be honest with yourself. Do away with the fear of not knowing, And just enjoy the ride of discovering. Look forward not back, and live today with the peace within that you didn't have yesterday.

Create from YOUR truth.

hahah Happy Monday I guess.

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